Dear Miley: An open letter from women everywhere

Dear Miley Cyrus,

I am writing this letter on behalf of women everywhere. I know you must be thinking, “This girl is highly presumptions, writing a letter on behalf of all women, most of whom she has never even met.”

Well yes Miley, that is a reasonable call for you to be making, however I can (fairly accurately) assure you that the majority of women and I are on the same page re: your recent vagina grabbing, camel toe inducing, old man grinding antics.

Also, 15 people ‘liked’ my recent Facebook status that said, “Miley – STOP IT,” and you simply cannot argue with that kind of social media response.

Anyhow, Miley, beautiful, talented, daughter of an at best B-list country music star, Miley, I am not going to publicly berate you like that mean old Sinead O’Connor did about how the whole world “doesn’t give a fuck about you.” I care about you, as do a lot of the women I have recently discussed you with and here is why:

You are talented, confident and successful in an industry that is cut throat, horribly sexist and highly competitive.

However, watching you ‘twerk’ all over a (married) man who is best known for a song that features some serious rape lyrics and giving yourself a front wedgie (or a fredgie as I now refer to it) is making me feel physically ill (and squirm thinking about what it would actually feel like pulling a leotard that far up my clacker).

I get that you are trying to break away from the cookie cutter image that was so precisely created for you and forcefully enforced onto you back in your Hannah Montana days.

I get that you are only 20 and you have probably been surrounded by people a lot older than you who are rich and drunk off power and the overly sexual attention money and power usually bring along with it.

I get that you have just broken up with your long-term boyfriend and you are trying to work out who you are and where you fit in this messy and complicated society we are currently inhabiting.

What I don’t get, is why you are constantly shoving overtly provocative, offensive and at times nauseating images of you gyrating against goodness knows what in our faces every other day.

I don’t get why your now infamous tongue is always hanging out the side of your mouth like you have just downed a bottle of Tabasco sauce with two packets of Whizz Fizz mixed in it.

I don’t want you to get me wrong, in no way am I a prude, in fact I was recently out at a pub so late, that the lights came on and the barman asked me and the other stragglers to leave! (Crazy!)

I am all for expressing your sexuality and being open about who you are and what you want. I am all for shoving societies fucked up ideas of what is ‘sexy’ and what is ‘beautiful’ out the window of a moving car.

What I (and the women I am writing this letter on behalf of) are not for is watching a beautiful, young, talented women throw away everything she has worked for by licking industrial demolition equipment whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I know you "don’t want to be a role model" and "can’t help what people think of you" but Miley, you are a role model, you are one of the very few young women in the extremely privileged position of being a role model.

You have the opportunity to show young women how to be a confident, self assured young person in a world cluttered with deep seeded sexism and what is almost an epidemic of female body issues and self-doubt.

But you’re throwing it away; all so you can make headlines that will drive up the sales of your upcoming album.

So Miley, to summarise, I care about you, women care about you, but you need to start caring about you, because whether you like it or not, you’re a role model to our girls and you’re letting us all down.

Kindest regards,

Bec Hagan (and women everywhere)

The Hagan Sisters Reunite!!!

Hello Hello from sunny (rainy) Vancouver! I arrived at 0700hrs this morning post a 15 hour flight from Aus. 15 hours is quite a while isn't it? Though never bother! I was met at the airport by the one and only Sarah Hagan, aka my brother from the (unfortunately) same mother. The reunion was emotional, there were tears and the trademark Hagan bright red face. The only problem was we first caught sight of each other over a glass barricade...and we prematurely commenced the hysterical reunion before realising that said barricade spanned for quite a distance. Lets just say, that was an awkward and particularly flushed 5 minute walk.

We have spent a lovely day wandering the streets of Vancouver, both of us fairly sleep deprived as my sister has also travelled a solid 13 hours by bus from her base in Banff to meet me, bless. Here are some photos we have taken of ourselves, incase you forgot what we looked like...TOGETHER. I know I sure did! We are heading to Mexico tomorrow, will keep you posted on the progress. Peace!

Current Stats:

Time it took for us to cry: 0.35 seconds
Time it took for us to fight: 10.2 hours
Time it took for us to be awesome: immediately

I once was a busy girl, I now am not

Today I am going to move you with a small poem I have penned. It is entitled : Bec's going mad on account of all of a sudden having nothing to do. Enjoy!

There once was a girl named Bec
Who's life was all , "What the heck"
She worked day and night
Which ment her time was tight
Until one day to her dismay
All her business went away!
She finished up her uni degree
This made young Bec jump with glee
She planned to work as much as she could
So she would have enough money to make Canada good
But then, there was a problem with her plan!
There were no shifts available with her agency...oh man!
So all of a sudden she became a bum
With nothing to do and nowhere to run:(
So while you are all going about your busy days
Spare a thought for poor bec who is suffering in a bordem induced daze.

Thankyou for reading...especially to the people in Slovenia. I appreciate your eyes the most!

Bec

Travel Adventures

Good afternoon! I hope everyone is doing well on this mild spring day.

Today is a very exciting day as my sister and I have decided to go to Mexico together, yeeeeeow! All this travel talk has reminded me of all the great little holidays I have had with friends, in particular a pretty amazing trip 3 girlfriends and I took on a cruise. The amount of times we sang that "I'm on a boat" song...ah the memories.

 As previously mentioned, I'm not the biggest winner at life. I forget things and stuff things up...often. That is why my lovely travel agent friend who organised the whole thing pulled me aside and said, "Don't worry about a thing, all you have to do is save enough spending money, make sure your passport is in order and show up for the flight...Heck, we'll pick you up ourselves because you're 5 different shades of retarded and you'll probably get lost/forget what day it is and miss our flight".

Though this grammatically too long and patronising sentence would have offended most, I totally understand where the girl is coming from. The year before when we went to fiji I forgot to order a passport until 10 days before we left, and it wasn't until the night before we left I realised that my Australian ATM card was not going to work in Fiji, so I ended up taking a wad of Australian cash overseas...as i forgot to exchange it into fiji dollars. Humpf.

Anyhoo, very exciting, cruise trip! Bags packed, check! Credit card to use oversea's, check! SPF 30+ check! and so on and so forth. Ahh, how it felt to be organised and ontop of my game. As the car pulled up in my driveway to take us to the airport my dear friends hassled me the whole way, "Have you remembered this, have you remebered that". I was so smug, I was floating on a cloud of organisational heaven.

Until.

"Have you got your passport?".

"Shit".

As the car turned around and my friends started throwing things at my head, tears started to well in my eyes my travel agent pal turned to me with her wise eyes and organised life skills and said, "Don't worry Bec...at least you're consistant".

And that I am...bring on Mexico!


Bec

OH! Also! Some more exciting news! (Gosh I'm going to give my self a heart attack).
Though my whole blog is based on what a loser I am, it turns out I am a giant liar as last night my mixed netball team and I triumphed to win the Division 3 winter season Croydon Indoor Sport Centre netball grandfinal...BAM!

So I guess I am a winner after all, and I even have a trophy to prove it!

Stay Classy.

Bec

10 Reasons Why I should be on the Block

The Block. As far as I'm concerned this show is as iconic and spectacular as the Big Brother/Australian Idol and Friends finale all rolled into one!
If we are facebook friends, I am sure you are well aware that I have a goal, nay a life long ambition to be a contestant on the television show "The Block" in 2011..provided they run another series. Which after reading this I'm pretty sure they will. (If anyone has contacts at channel 9, pass this on!).
The reasons why I have this dream are pretty stock standard. I want to win the cash, I have access to a competent tradesman in the form of my boyfriend and ...I'd get to be on TV!...This may come as a surprise to most..but I'm a bit of an attention whore.

The reasons why I should be on the block are far more interesting. I am going to risk this blog sounding more like an audition letter than 3 paragraphs of me making fun of myself as I need to communicate my dreams!

Dear producers of The Block,
I have complied a list of reasons why you should cast me (the lead role) and my boyfriend Gav (the supporting act) in the next series of you're television show "The Block".

Reason number 1: A good combination of novice and know how! I will be able to provide the show with the needed blunders and bad luck that create television gold and Gav will always pull through and save the day, with his skill and good work ethic. Ratings gold!

Reason number 2: Drama. If you look up the definition of a drama queen you'll most defiantly find my boyfriends name there. Tears, tantrums, door slamming, he'll do it all, and frequently!

Reason number 3: Hilarious Banter. We will have you're audience in stitches with our witty conversations and good ol' fashion sense of humour. "Knock knock" "Who's there?" We are!.. because we're on the block..and doing most of our competing behind a door, ect ect.

Reason number 4: At the time of air I will be a registered nurse...I'm sure you can take your camera's onto whatever ward I am working on and I can be painted as somewhat of a Mother Theresa type, helping the sick and whatnot...ratings gold again!

Reason number 5: Sibling overseas, wouldn't that be a great episode?! The stress and pressure has become to much, we are at breaking point, then miraculously my sister flies in from Canada...stay tuned for the emotional reunion.

Reason number 6: We scrub up alright. Don't get me wrong, Gav and I are you're average looking couple next door. But what a shock when we are on the front cover of Women's Weekly all airbrushed and glowing. "Couple from the 'Burbs Gets Glam". Now that story will sell!

Reason number 7: We're pretty low maintenance as far as living standards go. We shower at best 3-4 times per week, so we're not going to bust your balls if the water gets cut off or we run out of gas. Its cool, we live like animals as it is.

Reason number 8: Once again with the nurse thing..you won't have to hire a first aid dude..I can be that dude! I hate to sound like a broken record, but a television promo saying, "Tune in to see how Nurse Bec saved fellow contestants life from freak snake bite on Block"...I mean that shit is going to get ratings! (I am prepared to supply snakes also).

Reason number 9: I am an avid reader of the bi-annual Ikea catalogue which makes me an expert in interior design.

Reason number 10: Passion...not for each other, that's gross, but for the religious institution that is The Block! I vow I will live and breath your show and self promote the thing to death! Hello New Idea exclusive interview into Rebecca Hagan's crazy childhood.

So there you have it. I promise that when the bright lights of my block related stardom begin to heat up I won't change. I will remain the old Bec that you know and love. The only difference is I'll probably be really busy attending BBQ's at Scott Cam's house and channel 9 functions on Eddie McGuire's arm to return your calls...

Until next time

Bec

I'd like to welcome you to: Get your shit together week.

I lost my shit quite a while ago, and this week I'm planning on getting some of it back.
For those of you that were lucky enough to read my first blog post, it was probably fairly obvious that there is a fair bit of common sense, memory and accountability (and grammatical correctness)lacking from my personality, and blog posts. Thus, the loss of my shit.

My plan of attack is still cloudy, so I thought I would pledge things that I will try not to do, or do less of, as things are becoming desperate.

Pledge #1: I will keep better track of my phone(s).

I have lost a total of 5 phones this year alone, each loss more tragic than the last. The first two losses were not adversely traumatic and happened within 3 weeks of each other. I had too much to drink, flushed one down the toilet and left one on a bar stool respectively. No biggie, makes for a good facebook statues update the next day.
The next phone loss was a tragedy plain and simple. After losing these two phone's I thought it was a perfect opportunity to update to an elusive iphone.
"Do you want insurance?".
"No thanks, I'll be extra careful".
10 days later, iphone is snatched from shopping basket at Boronia Coles, never to be seen again. Devo.
Though the universe was giving it a good go, it could not tame my phone enthusiasm! I headed to ebay in search of a new iphone and ta-da! A brand new phone, locked to my network is there waiting for my purchase. I even go ahead and buy some insurance on the thing, as I am turning a new leaf and have vowed I will be more careful from now on. I pay my money, and wait.
Turns out I have purchased a non-existent phone from a very clever fraud, whose user feedback happens to outline this fairly clearly with bolded capital letters screaming: FRAUD DO NOT PURCHASE FROM THIS USER, FRAUD!!!

So much for being careful.

By this stage, my moral is starting to fade. I trudge up to my somewhat bewildered phone salesman, who now knows my name and address off by heart due to my regular phone purchases. He sells me the cheapest phone in the store, even throws in a discount. I suppose this is out of good sportsmanship as I have probably given him many a commission over the past 12 months. I go to the food court and buy a Big Mac meal to drown out the pain of my extreme self inflicted phone misfortunes.
From the food court to the car park I have lost the new cheap phone.
 As I turn on my heel to purchase my 6th phone for the year I pledge that I will get my shit together. Thus this captivating blog post, so I guess there is a silver lining after all...you’re welcome.

Bec  

Ready Set..Blog

Oh, Hi there,
I'm surprised I have not indulged in a blog sooner, what with all my humerous stories and the ridiculous happenings of day to day life. I'm currently writing a reflective essay for university. It is suppose to be about how I have reflected on working in a team throughout my nursing degree or something to that affect. This was a pretty boring topic and the entire time I was writing it I kept reflecting on the silly little things that have happened along the way and how they are much more entertaining than "team work" and reflecting on "professional relationships". So I thought I'd jot some of these funny stories down before I forget them, and if I document them on the internet I wont lose them..as the internet will last forever...

So sit back, relax and have a chuckle at the exciting life and times of Rebecca Hagan.

Disclaimer: No soul searching, personality analysis or confessions of deep seeded fears or anxieties will be published here. Because nobody wants to read that rubbish and between losing my car all the time in giant car parks and doing makup on road kill so they look nice for their funerals I just do not have the time!

Funny story #1:

The time I left my car at the top of the driveway..for a day..running..with all the windows and boot open:

It was a mild day in sunny Ballarat, the birds were chirping and the bees were buzzing. I was in a mad rush.Why? I cannot remember, but it must have been important and possibly involved some kind of hot food. I was living in the residential accomodation in the university at the time. I quickly parked my car, shot out..for whatever reason and ran down to my unit..doing whatever it was I had to do. A friend doing the same course storms into my room.
 "Quick!!! we are going to be so late for sociology, lets go!"
Off I race, giving no thought to my running car, perched at the top of the driveway, double parking at least 3 cars, with the front door and boot open. Off to sociology we go..(riverting subject by the way, truely ground shaking). Anyhoo, lecture ends..food time!..whats this? free BBQ and music on the lawn. Whats that? Beer? Who's that? A group of friends sitting on lawn, in sun with beer and sausage laughing and getting party happy? Excellent. Exchange money for beer, collect free BBQ food and perch on lawn next to party happy friends. The afternoon ticks on..and I'm having a pretty good time. Getting cold..(Ballarat) time to proceed back to unit as have cooking date with bff who lives in room above me. "Cheerio drunk lawn friends"..off I go. On the way down am stopped by fellow resident of uni accomodation.
 No hello, how are you, like you're new dress formalities are exchanged. Simply a,
 "Bec, some dickhead has fucking left their car double parking 4 cars on Res and I cant get down to the fucking shops, is there beer up here?".
You think I would have twigged at this point? Car..double parked, up at res...I did not.
"That sucks, yes there is beer, and drunk people on the lawn, cheerio"
As I approach my unit there is a small congregation at the kitchen table, laughing and playing cards. I sit down, have a giggle, say some funny things, then I look up. Out the window I can see my car..running, double parking at least four cars, with the windows, passenger door and boot open. I try to stay calm. I try to remember why I had left it there? Maybe I was feeling a bit charitable earlier and wanted somebody less fortunate to steal it? Maybe I had forgotten about a scheduled insurance scam that I was apart of where I was trying to get my car stolen and pocket the agreed value? Or maybe, I couldn't find a park, ran into my unit to grab something, got distracted by pending lectures/beer and a sausage sizzle and forgot that I left my car..double parking four cars, windows, door and boot open for 5 hours and 43 minutes up the top of the driveway..?

True Story.
Until next time Bec xx